the great adventures of a fallen star part iiiiiiiiii

There are a few things in life that I do not comprehend. One of which is my intense infatuation with Paris Hilton. Another is my constant attraction to hazardous situations. In fact what I do understand is the concept of reruns. When a television show is first aired, there are many viewers who missed it the first time round; thus, the rerun was impeccably conceived to serve those who neglected the show. Now, a word from our sponsor.

There are a few things in life that I do not comprehend. One of which is my intense infatuation with Paris Hilton. Another is my constant attraction to hazardous situations. In fact what I do understand is the concept of reruns. When a television show is first aired, there are many viewers who missed it the first time round; thus, the rerun was impeccably conceived to serve those who neglected the show. Now, a word from our sponsor.

The chicken is the wisest animal on the farm. They lay eggs.

Now right after the chaotic incident at the mosque, I quickly called his older brother who is my friend. His brother at that time had several personal issues, often confusing himself. Like staring at the sun, his own thoughts are blinding himself. I worry about him at times, more than I worry about my evil counterpart. His brother heard my version of the scenario, which is the same version you all read in the previous chapter. Not surprised, by his brother’s stupidity or utter delinquency, he gave me advice. I do not remember word for word what he said, thus I paraphrased his thoughts.

“When I was child I would take the bus. And, there was this bully, who would always pick on me. I would try my best to ignore him. But that didn’t work, and he still picked on me. Then, one day I decided to confront him. I told him that I was sorry for what I have done. And after that day he stopped picking on me. Even though I knew I wasn’t wrong.”

His Oprah Winfrey advice would have worked on bunch of unemployed feminist, but was I to take his advice seriously. So I told his moronic brother, in the most sarcastic tone, “thank you for your help,” which sounded more like go to hell with your advice you retarded hamster looking gremlin. He understood, and hung up the phone. Stupidity runs in the family. I sympathize deeply with this tortured soul, who grew up in a dysfunctional family with issues that daytime talk shows would tackle. I was disappointed, not that I expected answers from his brother, what upset me most was he wasted my day time minutes.

7 days later.

I like jumma; it makes me feel more Muslim. It is in our nature to sin, therefore jumma is the day I feel I can cleanse my inner-self. A weekly cleansing to rid my soul of the impurifications that I have fornicated, the soul is often overlooked. So on this jumma day, I started it off with a nice long session of ghusul.

Randomly, my doorbell rang right before I left to the prayer. It was my cousin, not Hassan (he was in Houston assaulting gay male prostitutes), Zain. He heard about the incident that happened last week with Zike and offered his assistance. Bless his little menthol congested heart, but I doubt this scrawny kid could hold his own against Zike. I told him that I did not want him escorting me to the prayer, but he refused. I don’t need protection, I have a gun. Meow.

I vegetated in my usual spot in the masjid, in deep concentration. I tried. And, I tried hard to understand the imam, the cleric, and his lessons. But, I dozed off to world led by imagination. Cotton candy fantasies, enjoining in the wealth of this world with a pair of twin mermaids and Bugs Bunny, the imagination is an escape that we seldom use. I then envisioned, the rascally rabbit delivering the jumma sermon. That’s when I woke from the uncontrollable daydream.

After the prayer, like always I gathered my shoes and went on my way out the mosque. From the corner of my eyes I saw my future brother-in-law conversing with Zike. I hate to think the worst of people, but I already knew Zike’s intention was at the mosque. (He did get shot the previous week.) My sister’s finance was trying to quell the dilemma of any drama between Zike and me. What intrigued me most was Zike’s ridiculous outfit. He was dressed as if he had a trial in the morning and the only place open was Wal-Mart. Adorning a red and black plaid colored shirt that most rednecks would be proud to wear at any formal event, which was tucked into his pleated khakis, Zike was costumed like a gump. Envisioning himself as a thug, Zike was walking paradox in his get up. His outfit made me chuckle. My future brother-in-law was satisfied with the progress in alleviating the seven days of suppressed anger Zike had in store for me; thus my future brother-in-law walked away.

I could have walked out the mosque with no conflict. I should have walked out the mosque with no conflict. I would have walked out the mosque with no conflict, but that would have made for a bad story.

Before I could even acknowledge Zike, I felt his cold reptilian eyes piercing through me like a mouse in a loin’s den. I returned to Zike a smile. He hates it when I smile. Subsequently, he started a small ruckus, not as big as last week’s circus.

How low do you have to go to insinuate a quarrel at a place of worship, Zike succeeded to go that low twice consecutively. He may have set a record, going as lower then my credit score. It was not that I was irritated or frustrated or agitated or aggravated or even infuriated, it has become annoying. Like when reading a magazine and al those little subscription cards keep falling out, Zike is sublimated spam.

“they call me the Blockbuster!” Zike proclaimed proudly.

I was stunned; I had no reaction for his statement. Stupidity is unpredictable, but did this word have a deeper meaning? Blockbuster. Block: noun, hindrance or obstruction, an obstacle. Buster: a person who breaks something up. Was he implying that he breaks up or busts an obstruction? Was I an obstacle in his path? Am somehow in his way, to his greater goal? Or did he merely use the word as a metaphor that he was going to rent movies.

“What!?” I responded in pure and utter confusion.

“Yea, man. I’m the blockbuster!” Zike declared his silly iconic name.

He is the prime example of the harmful effects of drugs. Children, drugs are bad. Like Peter Parker, he fell prey to the sweet seductress known as Mary Jane. Tetrahydrocannabinol is the active chemical compound released that causes psychoactive and physiological effects. Scientificial studies, which I did not participate, have shown that cannabis can impair short term memory and affects the hippocampus of the brain. Those, that are predisposed for psychosis, my arch nemesis, increase the risk of psychotic symptoms. It is argued that long term effects of consuming the drug have an effect of personality or possible brain damage. Now, you see what I am dealing with, the poster boy of the harmful effects of drugs.

“I don’t get it?” I asked as if I was to get a coherent answer from this idiot.

“Blockbuster.” He reaffirmed confidently, “I bust blocks.”

Stupidity is ubiquitous. I do not comprehend how hard it is to create an appealing moniker. Was his goal to strike fear in my blood with that name. Super Mario was known for busting blocks with his head. If he was making a comparison to the legendary video game emblem, why could he not use more clever title? Pyro-Hurler, Koopa Trooper Stomper, or even Raccoon Man sounds a tad bit more menacing than Blockbuster.

Zain, my cousin, was not present when I was confronting Zike, I think he was engaged in conversation with my future brother-in-law. What they were discussing, I don’t know. But I believe it was my boisterous brother-in-law parading that he extinguished a confrontation.

“y r u dressed like bob tha Builder?” I commented on his hillbilly attire.

His response was laced with profane obscenities and obscene profanities. I smiled. He hates when I smile. Now inciting his anger, I figured this is the best time to get the upper hand. I would no longer be the victimized by all the Danny’s out there and I will fight for all those like me who have been oppressed.

“meet me at tha mcdonald’s and we’ll take care this.” I did not know why I said this.

“let’s go then.” he responded, which was not the answer I was hoping.

“let’s go.” What I have I got myself into? And, why would Zike agree to this.

“let’s go.” The retard reiterated.

“I’m going.” I am now consuming as much time as possible, so I can think of way to get out of this mess. “or we could go 2 blockbuster,” I added with a smile. He hates it when I smile.

Camels are efficient animals. Throughout history, they have been known to provide their services in the military without the concern of draft regulations; economic and trade with seldom challenge and restrictions; they assist in the diet’s of man through history, providing protein rich milk and meat eaten in many East African and Middle Eastern countries. Camels can adapt to their environment by changing their body temperature, ranging from 93 degrees F to 106 degrees. Able to survive unheard of climate changes, and the ability to travel long distances are a few benefits that civilizations in the past have utilized. Camels can carry up to 990 pounds, but that last statement I said to Zike, was the straw that broke his back.

A small riot almost broke. I have good news, and I have bad news. No physical altercation ever occurred that jumma day. My cousin Zain and Zike’s cousin who was also present at jumma intervened before blood could spill. But the good news, my cell phone is activated.

A man will not abandon illusions he believes as facts in favor of facts he believes as illusions. Because of too much 2pac, Zike vicariously lives his life as a thug. His mind is deluded from the mere reality that the ideology of “thug life” is not needed to live in suburbia. Now, I may have said a few words that would have garnered the wrath oh my lethal numbskull hooligan of a friend. Even the wise man dwells in the fool's paradise. If it is true that ignorance is bliss; subsequently, Zike must be in absolute utopia (after the drugs of course).